the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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