You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
