apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
