once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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