maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
