Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
