The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die, sorry about rent.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
