i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
