I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
