i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your penis caused this!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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