He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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