how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
