Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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