They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
