Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
this is an emotional support booty call
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
