I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
