no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
