Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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