Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
