Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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