beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
