i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So squirting runs in the family.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
