literally had 100 drinks last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think my fart just growled at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
