there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
