Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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