not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
