god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
