A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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