there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
