from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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