I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
