At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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