Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
