I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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