ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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