I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So many bounce houses so little time
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
