If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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