My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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