I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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