im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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