some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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