i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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