You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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