I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
