so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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