You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
one two three fourrrrnication!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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