I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
