Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
