I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
