He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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