Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
