as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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