I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
