I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
