I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
