Who did Billy Mays play for?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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