If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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