dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my being single is dangerous.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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